Film Review: Tormented

hey kids. did you like totally heart skins? like not the first two series' cos they were so passe but the richard series - the one with cook - wasn't that like the tina turner of them all. the big daddy kane. the el nino of the hdtv dvd blu-ray experience.! well you'll totally adore the stone roses outta Tormented. it's filled the the brim of your favourite quotes 'as if' ! Ahahahahahaha. 'Lame'. LOL (i serge gainsborough'd the 'lol' outaa that). And all your - nicole kidman, ghostly horror film with kids who cant step into sunlight - ones too. oh yeah and its got Michelle & Jal playin so far against type - they're showing their emotional depth in this by "acting". in one scene they drink shots of vodka - that'd never happen in skins. they'd be drinken slippery nipples and lashing down farmers daughters all night. oh and they're smoking & fighting & taking hard drugs like cannabis too. james dean hasn't got a bikes insurance on them! wowzer. an because this film is british made its soooooooooooooo much better than anything we've ever charlie sheen. the topline new range on show here is a john travolta performance circa 1996 - PHENOMENON bbz!!! oh how the victor meldrew's have changed- this is our braveheart, cos we all talk & act like brats. cos 'they' know different. Ordinary fucking people. I hate them. The films a "slasher movie for the skins generation" and by that they mean its a fucking inane waste of anyone with half a brain's time. it is so pretentious - like THIS is what young people want. Granted i am no longer classed as 'young' but how in 5 fucking years have we gone from Adaptation, Panic Room, The Bourne Identity, Punch Drunk Love, 28 Days Later & City Of God to a world where films like this this & Donkey Punch actually get released? Makes me fuckin ashamed. This piece of fuckin sh*t wants to be so fuckin cool, it wants to be 'right now', it's self-referential - like a character in the film thats SCREAMING for attention and affection. Or two put it in terms us fogies will understand - a fly hovering over a glass of Shiraz that we weakly try to swot away with our half finshed Guardian crossword. No harm to the creators but if you're gonna be an in-the-moment type film dont have two Vines song in the space of 5 mins - destroys your cred, well, what little of it you had to start off with. It was probably writen by 2 lads in their 30's who like nothing more than chatting about how much the new Bob Dylan album is so much better than anything he's done since selling out to Starbucks recently and how Chesney Hawkes is very-much an under-appreciated solo artist and not at all a one hit wonder. jesus -i fuckin hated this film, popular kids bully fat kid - fat kid dies - comes backs and kills them all. That's it man, game over man, game over! Game over and we're all still left with that fuckin sour taste of another disappointing piece of sh*t film lingering in our mouths. The one saving grace was - actually, no, not even the schoolgirls uniforms make up for it. This was Sharon fuckin Stone type Diabolique. I actually fast forwarded thru a sex-scene it was that fuckin bad. yes. A sex-scene. i never thought in a million years i would be ever admitting to that. i knew by then there wouldnt be anything to gain by watching it an had already realised that no nudity would be on show. Avoid this film. It is not funny, nor scary, nor indeed good in any way, shape or form. it is atrocious. really. 0 / 5