Film Review: Orphan

Orphan: It's official, kids are the scariest things to have in films. Forget your eccentric rats who cook or kooky pregnant teenagers who talk like they're missing dictionary corner on countdown everyday or even villagers hell-bent on denying the existence of little girls all the while dancing in hotel rooms nekkid - kids, yes kids, are the scariest fuckers around. All they have to do is just look at you and its weirder than seeing some alien arm destroy some american bridge or Caroline from Caroline in the City shag a mallard. Kids are genuinely creepy and they can make you jump faster than Will Smith can really pretend to be from the ghetto.

So basically this kid called Esther comes from an orphanage and obviously bad things start to happen whenever she's around except her new parents don't cop on for aaaaages and by the time all roads lead to Damascus it's too late. In all honesty i didn't expect too much from this, ive had it for ages but never bothered with it til yesterday, boy oh boy though i sure am glad i did! It's equally as creepy as last years spooky British film The Children - i think its because we regard children as innocent that when we seem them outside or comfort zone we can get a little weirder out by it, think Mac Attack in Jacob's Ladder - and watching it get deeper and deeper made for uncomfortable yet enjoyable viewing.

Its hard to explain my emotions while watching it but its almost as though you can really get caught up and be impressed with a movie without enjoying watching it, think Requiem For A Dream, Ivans Xtc or The Mist - these are films that are brilliant but make for unsettling viewing, Orphan was like that for me - fuckin loved watchin it but all the while felt ill at ease with it. Like i said before it definitely has something to do with kids being creepy.

The film itself has all the usual twists, turns and jumps you'd expect to see - except its not exactly a Hollywood-esque production, they makers obviously had a plan and stuck to their guns. The casting is grand, the family is adequate, the little orphan girl is suitable fucking weird, there'll be no oscars for this though as its really nothing spectacularly new that you havent seen before- a family in trouble in a horror film - but its the story in itself that makes the whole thing so different, if the script had been shitter then i wouldnt give a f*ck but as it goes it swims along nicely and builds up the tension quite superbly.

So to summarise, yup i really enjoyed Orphan much much more than i thought i would, if you like films where kids are creepy than this is for you. I'd recommend this to people who enjoyed The Children and for people who enjoyed this i'd recommend that right back.

Finally i came to the conclusion that i'd be more scared seein a weird little kid standing in a doorway than an axe wielding murderer and if you think the same way then this film is for you. Weirdly unsettling and fascinating at the same time.

A good little fucker of a show. 3 / 5