So I haven't done a film review in ages so thought i'd better get the finger out and write one. So here we go:Finally finally FINALLY watched Superman Returns.
It's been five years since it came out and the most I ever saw of it was years ago in one of those fancy fake living room type areas they have in PC World, I just parked myself down while waiting on someone to buy a computer and from the ten minutes or so I saw I thought it looked decent. No-one told me how long it was going to be though - over two and a half hours! And it's not even like Superman is one of the better superheroes.
In my scale of superheroes it'd be X-Men>Thor>Bats>and everyone else is shit (except the Silver Surfer and maybe Ghost Rider). I do not care about Spiderman, Green Lantern/Hornet/Arrow, The Punisher, Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Fantastic Four, The Phantom, Judge Dredd, Aquaman, Hawkman, Wonder Woman, Shazam, The Flash, Daredevil or any of the Batgirl, Super-Girl, She-Ra characters we're subjected to in a near-cyclical basis. I'd never consider buying any of these in novella format and would possibly only read them if they were lying around and only then possibly if I was bored. In my opinionated opinion they are boring, narcissistic creations with not enough depth or creativity to fulfil my comic needs and more often than not my interest only perks us depending on which foe they are to face. If I want depth I go to Ennis & Dillon or Gaiman. Anywho I'm rambling. Superman is a shit hero, that's basically my point. And its taken me five years to watch the latest 2 1/2 hours of him. That's how little I rate him in my scale of superheroes and just so you know- I've seen A Cinderella Story around four or five times in that time period. That's how much disregard I have for Superman.
And now a few things I noticed while watching Superman Returns:
1) Some of Brandon Routh's mannerisms are freakily similar to those of Christopher Reeve's and considering I'd never heard of him before I'll just go ahead and assume that's why he got the part in the first place. Credit where it's due - he was a bit of an ol' legend in this, saving people all over the shop and having Mexican kids cheering him on and the like. What he had to do he did well but like I've said before - it's not like he's a character of any great depth so yeah, if being varnished is one step up from being wooden then Routh did a fine job.
2) Kevin Spacey looks even odder than normal while bald - but he certainly knows how to play the bad guy and does so with enough venom that you actually believe he could best Supes. Even though he's old. And fat. And bald. His cronies were decent enough too - Kal Penn & Parker Posey were given enough material than the standard lackies wouldn't normally expect - but to be honest it was their reactions shots to everything that actually made them stand out more than most. Just goes to show what you can do with a good casting director I suppose, that being said:
3) Kate Bosworth is a very wooden and annoying Lois Lane. Personally I didn't give a fuck if she lived or died - and yet this is the woman who we're led to believe Superman would sacrifice his life for? And don't get me started on her kid. Fuck off like. Didn't Mallrats cover this already???
4) Lastly - Superman as a character does not have enough substance to carry a film franchise, let alone multiple re-incarnations of aforementioned film franchise. He is the Russell Bland of intrigue, the Humdrum Dugan of excitement, the Bruce Tame of adventure. He is an archaic character who has been blunted by the changes in civilisation and who's receding relevance in today's world is only matched in the uninteresting stakes by the choices of actors picked recently to portray him: Brandon Routh, Tom Welling & Henry Cavill. Who indeed? Exactly.
So even though Superman Returns by all accounts did not fare as well as the filmmakers had hoped - why exactly is Hollywood making another one? Is there really any need for another Superman film so soon after the last?? And while I’m at it how is Superman so fucking popular anyway????? He's boring as shit, has no fucking personality either as Clark Kent or as The Man Of Steel ™, his villains are woeful compared to that of Batman and / or Spiderman and generally you cannot empathise with him and his stupid cause one teeny tiny iota. He is fucking woefully abysmally shit as a leading man let alone as a Superhero. Maybe I just don't "get it". I mean - how can Superman constantly be regurgitated and spat into the public eye yet a much better choice (for either film or TV) in the Preacher series looks like it will never see the light of day? Anyway these are all just opinions.
In conclusion Routh did a fine job of playing the 2nd most boring Superhero (Peter Parker being the 1st). Spacey was always fun to see and he constantly alleviated the boredom whenever he appeared onscreen. A few of the action scenes were still impressive to see - even after five years. Singer could definitely have used a better editor as the film did not have to be anywhere as long as it needed to be. Also if he had half a brain then this scene below, which cost $10 Million to shoot, wouldn't have been probably the most expensive deleted scene in the history of film. TEN MILLION like!!!! Just to end up on the cutting room floor. Madness.
Anyway it wasn't the worst film I've seen but I very much doubt I'd watch it again anytime in the next five years. I'm going to be generous and give it 2 / 5 mainly because in the midst of all the nonsense there's some good performances and somewhere in this 2 hour 34 minute film there's a decent 1:40 film hidden away.
All I can say is thank god I never watched Smallville :D
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